Five Days Married: Navigating Life as a Military Spouse

"We were on the fifth day of our *sheva brachot*—a newlywed couple basking in happiness—when my husband received a call that he was needed back in the army," recounts Sigula Levy, visibly pained by the memory.

Sigula is not recounting the recent Hamas attacks that saw massive mobilization across Israel; this was many years before when her husband, a career soldier in the IDF, was called away. "I knew he was committed to the army, but I didn’t grasp all it entailed," she admits. "I come from a family of new immigrants, where military drafts seemed distant. Suddenly, before we fully settled into marriage, he was already ordered back to the base."

Sigula vividly remembers their shared journey to Base Shizafon near Eilat, where they parted ways indefinitely. "On my way back, I was speeding—I just wanted to escape—and the police stopped me. They gave me a ticket and suspended my license for a month. I was in tears, telling them, 'I'm just five days married and haven't even changed my last name on my license,' but it didn't help. That day, I lost both my license and my husband," she recalls.

Visiting the base with Dad

Loneliness and Longing

For six years, Sigula's husband, Aaron, served as a career soldier in the IDF. During that period, Sigula faced challenges she never anticipated. "I fell into a world filled with longing and anxiety," she shares. "I remember experiencing panic attacks and constant worry for his safety, compounded by overwhelming loneliness. Initially, I lived with friends in university housing; I couldn't justify renting alone. It was depressing—living as a married woman among single girls. Later, we moved to a caravan in Mitzpe Jericho, but I was mostly alone there and barely functioning."

"It took time to see I wasn't alone in this," Sigula continues, "and there were many women in the same boat, though we seldom heard about them. I joined a group led by Rebbetzin Dina Rapp, meant for women with husbands in long-term military service. We met weekly, studying the teachings of Rabbi Kook, receiving immense support from her lessons."

"Thanks to her, I began to grasp what it meant to be part of a collective and saw the enormous significance of our commitment. It wasn't just my husband in the army and me at home; we operated together for the greater good—to save the people of Israel. In those days, as I understood that many women across the country lived as either military or reserve wives, I started writing a book on the subject."

"Writing it was not easy," Sigula admits. "I held nothing back, confronting painful realities and tough experiences. I wanted women to empathize with returning home to an empty house after major life events, managing to raise kids virtually alone, even during Shabbats at the table, coping with pregnancy with no help, and above all, handling the profound, lingering loneliness."

Were there things that helped you during those times?

"Yes, looking back, joining that group of women eased my burden considerably, chiefly alleviating the loneliness because I felt there were others just like me. Likewise, the Torah lessons gave me much strength. We studied about Rachel, the wife of Rabbi Akiva, who didn’t see her husband for many years, always thinking of the greater good of Israel. I could never reach her level, telling her husband to study another 12 years, but I learned about my mission through her story."

"In one of the lessons, the Rebbetzin introduced a verse hinting that the Hebrew word 'chayil' refers to 'Order of Women,' discussing family strength. It shook me because I realized that despite our struggles, the family unit stays resilient once all else fades and changes. We remain steadfast."

"Filled with national and personal pride, visiting Rome’s Arch of Titus affirmed this. While the arch celebrates Rome’s victory over the Jews, everything Rome built crumbled to dust, whereas the Jewish people—after 2,000 years—have returned to our land. Realizing this gave me incredible strength."

"Suddenly Relevant"

Although Sigula began writing her book, titled 'You Are Drafted to Me,' 13 years ago, it was published just two days before Simchat Torah 5784. "Who could have thought it would become so timely and relevant?" she muses, shivering.

When the war broke out, Sigula's husband was called up with his reserve unit, serving 200 consecutive days under emergency orders. "With no warning, I found myself repeating history—home alone with the kids, my husband in the field, barely able to call. Then, my book copies arrived home, and I realized they came at the perfect time when so many women were facing the same challenges I experienced, albeit as reserve spouses, not career ones."

"Order after order arrived—from mothers buying it for their daughters to husbands gifting it to their wives. Soon, even men became an unexpected audience, eager to read it. Even my young female students were captivated, which I found immensely valuable—connecting them to the book, reinforcing the sense of mutual responsibility among us, and the recognition that relationships require nurturing. If you don't come from a place of strength, such periods can easily fracture a relationship. Though seasoned and mature, we too needed professional help after 200 days of reserves, and I think that's entirely natural and reasonable."

*

Currently, Sigula’s husband is back in reserves, and it became clear her fears were justified. "Their unit endured a severe trauma when, weeks ago, a jeep hit an explosive device. The driver, Evyatar Ben Yehuda, sadly passed, and the commander, Yaakov David Ben Yehudit Faiga, was gravely injured. We, the women, faced significant challenges during those days as well."

"Thankfully, there's greater awareness now than back then, which certainly helps," she notes. "We have WhatsApp groups for reserve women, organizations supporting us, and the IDF has established a home-front kit. There’s also a ‘Forum for Reserve Women’ working tirelessly on our behalf."

"Nevertheless, no matter the amount of effort, it’s never truly enough. Ultimately, family strength empowers the soldier; it stands behind him always. Napoleon’s army marched on its stomach, while ours marches on its family. By focusing on and refining marital bonds during such times, our nation’s success, God willing, will be greater."