Turning Family Dreams Into Realities Amidst Grief

In the past year, thousands of families have received the devastating news that their loved ones are no longer with them. Thousands of families entered a world of bereavement as part of the War of the Iron Swords, bearing terrible sorrow and grief.

Even those of us outside the circle of mourning find ourselves torn again and again by the tragic stories, praying for a moment we can ease even a small part of those families' pain and help them move forward.

But it turns out there are those who not only dream but also take action. Ortal Schissel initiated the establishment of the 'Fulfilling the Dream' nonprofit, which fulfills dreams for many bereaved families.

Dream Lost

To understand what led to the establishment of the nonprofit, Ortal recounts what happened last year: "I was about to celebrate my 40th birthday, and for this special date, I planned to fulfill a personal dream and hold a one-time performance with songs I write and compose.

"I signed up for a course that prepared me to do so at a high level, worked and made great efforts to build the performance. I even booked a hall and a dress, and sent out a 'save the date'. The plan was to start selling tickets the day after Simchat Torah for a performance planned a few weeks later.

"Of course, after the Hamas attack, no one was thinking about performances and songs. Alongside the horrific trauma we all went through, I remember the difficult feeling of losing my personal dream from that time. I felt so uncomfortable with myself because 'how can I even be upset over such a thing in the face of unfathomable national pain?' Yet it nagged me, the feeling that I worked on something for a whole year, invested a lot of money, and in the end, it did not come to fruition - it plagued me."

Ortal notes that a few weeks later her birthday approached, and she thought if her original dream wouldn't come true, she wanted to convert it into another dream – holding an evening of strength and prayers for the people of Israel. "Within a few days, I was able to organize a very meaningful evening, where prayers were held for the captives and soldiers, during which Rabbi Beni Lau spoke and strengthened us. At the end of the evening, I took the stage, and without planning, found myself sharing with the audience the story of their personal dream, making it clear: 'This is the Jewish story in its entirety, because our dreams – small and large – continue to live and beat in any situation, and this is also our duty to those who lost their lives – to see if their dream still lives.'"

What did you mean by that?

"Honestly, I meant nothing. The words just came out without planning, but after the evening ended, I thought about it again, and what I said resonated strongly with me. I felt they formed a kind of commitment – to act for the bereaved families and the fulfillment of their dreams."

Ortal pauses for a moment and adds: "Of course, I had every reason in the world to say 'What does fulfilling dreams have to do with now? We are at war.' Personally, I was at the beginning of a new pregnancy with four little ones at home. Who even had the time to think about it? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that if we wait for the right time, it will never happen, and it is our duty to start doing it now."

On the Path to Fulfillment

Ortal notes that's how the project to fulfill the dreams of bereaved families began and was even given a name: "Fulfilling the Dream."

How does the project work?

"I have a partner for all activities - Elad Adler, the project manager in the organization. We work together from the very beginning, meeting through Zoom every evening with bereaved families, trying first to 'live their dream'. We explain that we're here to fulfill dreams with added value – community or social – and ask them to share their dreams with us, to memorialize their loved one in the most fitting way.

"Families' responses made it clear that there is no fallen or murdered person who did not have a dream that could be realized. Sometimes a family comes with a clear dream, sometimes with just outlines, and with our familiarity with them and their capabilities, we try to see what they are capable of leading and accordingly formulate the dream."

Wait, you don't fund it?

"No, we don't raise even a single shekel. Instead, we create connections. In the initial stage, we formulate the dream, and when it is ready, we create a WhatsApp group with the family and issue a call to find the right person to lead this dream. Sometimes, a professional is needed, sometimes a project manager, sometimes both. As we supported more dreams, we built a volunteer base around us – graphic designers, business consultants, project partners, etc., who all pitch in to help. The ultimate aim is to tailor each family the right suit to make their dream come true.

"By the way, there were cases where the connections we created also led to funds, like overseas teens who collected money and were looking for ways to donate it, or someone who wanted to invest their money. We offered them various dreams, and they chose the one they wanted to invest in."

How many dreams have you supported?

"In the past year, we supported 60 dreams, and there's more to come. Some have already been fulfilled, and others are in the process. While a few have not been realized, there are some connections so well formed that they progress independently, without our guidance."

United in Purpose

The dreams, it turns out, are varied, creative, and fascinating. "We had a family of a soldier named Yosef Gedalia from the Duvdevan Unit who fell in the war," Ortal shares. "His family told us he used to go on pilgrimages regularly, so they wished to memorialize him by paving a trail for pilgrim groups; another family chose to renovate Dan's Tomb for one of the Nova victims who frequently prayed there; another family fulfilled a dream of donating a Torah scroll; and uniquely, a family wanted to create a football-related memorial center. Through our call for support, we found a world-renowned architect to lead the dream fulfillment.

"A particularly touching dream was from the family of Salman Havaka, a Lieutenant Colonel from the Druze community who saved many people going house to house in battle in Bari. His family wanted to write a book in Hebrew and Arabic for his son – a moving and intriguing project.

"We do not fear realizing any dream," emphasizes Ortal, "and always tell the family: 'Aim as high as you can. We will do everything to foster connections with people to make your dreams come true.'"

Alongside the immense gratification from fulfilling dreams, you encounter overwhelming pain and grief. How do you cope with that?

"Clearly, it meets us all the time, and it's tough. There are evenings upon evenings where I meet families via Zoom, each showing me the memorial they have at home and telling about their fallen loved one. Suddenly, I realize how endless and pervasive the pain is throughout life. I've seen families utterly shattered, some unable to function or work.

"Yet, I feel this is the right way to mutual responsibility. Personally, I can say that if at the beginning of the war I consumed news heavily, watching videos and listening to stories to ‘experience it’, once I began meeting families, I understood that the media stories only weakened me, caused anxiety, and impaired my functioning as a mother. Conversely, working directly with the families, the pain is immense but it's heart-to-heart, shared, and primarily out of a desire to do something constructive with this pain, not just to feel helpless.

"I also see close up that when we successfully create that emotional connection between families and entrepreneurs, it’s like bringing the family back on their feet, giving them purpose. I recall asking to speak to a father once, only to discover he had been in bed almost permanently since his son fell, but when the project manager arrived to fulfill the dream, he began to rise in the morning to work on preparations. He came back to life. I feel that as part of my partnership with the nation, my commitment is to be part of it, even if it involves bearing some of the pain. This is the least we can do, and hopefully, we'll only have good news."