What Do We Tell the Twin Girls? The Story of Yochai Glaam's Last Days

"I'm talking to you here in the room, but outside there are hundreds of visitors mourning with us, and I'm not exaggerating," says Miriam Glaam during our conversation this week, as she sits Shiva for her son, Yochai Glaam, who was killed in Gaza. "It's something unbelievable," she adds. "During the Shiva, we had nearly a thousand people visit us—Yochai's childhood friends, army comrades, neighbors. They all wanted one thing—to share stories about him, about his unique modesty and genuine care for everyone around him. These were themes repeated in every conversation, and although I knew them, it astonished me every time."

The conversation with Miriam isn't easy, nor is it with Shira Glaam, Yochai's wife, and with Raviv, his older sister, who join us. "Just last week, the three of us sat together with Yochai and our two-year-old twin daughters," Shira recalls painfully. "Yochai was on a short leave from the army. We all met up, visited the Aquarium in Jerusalem, and even went to dinner. Who could have imagined that would be our last meeting and that we wouldn't see him again?"

Everything for the People of Israel

Yochai was 32 at the time of his death, yet during his life, he achieved more than many accomplish in a lifetime. "He lived a full life," says Miriam, his mother. "He was my youngest of five, yet I often felt like he was the one teaching me. He honored his parents exceptionally well, always striving to fulfill his responsibilities. The most amazing thing about him was how quietly and humbly he achieved things."

Yochai Glaam z

"Not one or two, but many soldiers who visited told me that around September 1st, he ensured all soldiers under his command were granted leave to accompany their children to school, only worrying about himself and his little girls afterward. Sadly, he never got the chance to take his own daughters to their new kindergarten. A few days before that, he was killed in the war, and it was his friends who accompanied them on their first day."

"Yochai always cared for the Torah scholars," Raviv shares as well, "He would contribute as much as possible, including significant amounts of money. Once, he received a large military reserve duty grant and asked his rabbi to distribute it among Torah scholars, so they could continue learning while soldiers fought in Gaza. His rabbi was surprised and asked, 'Are you sure you want to donate the entire amount?' Yochai replied, 'Yes, the world of Torah is in danger, and we must support the scholars so they learn and protect us.' Incidentally, he would also set aside time for Torah study whenever he could, even while in Gaza."

Yochai always ensured Torah scholars had resources to continue learning

"His friends told us Yochai organized Torah lessons in Gaza, including all the soldiers around him, even those far from Judaism," Miriam recounts. "He respected everyone, regardless of their views or backgrounds. Time and again, we heard from soldiers who hadn't prayed regularly, but 'if Yochai asked, you couldn't refuse.' We met a soldier who was distant from Judaism but, after one conversation with Yochai, was so inspired that he took on the mitzvah of wearing a tzitzit."

"Yochai always aimed for unity," adds Shira. "He avoided gossip like the plague, and we heard this from his unit mates. People from all walks of life, from all over Israel, came because Yochai managed to unite everyone without politics, only with love."

With Modesty and Humility

"After hearing so many stories during Shiva, it's clear to me that if I want to sum up Yochai, I'd use two words: 'modesty and humility,'" Shira says. "That was his essence. Everyone praised him for doing things quietly and discreetly, without fanfare or seeking attention. He simply acted and did."

"Nothing I heard during Shiva surprised me because I always knew who my husband was," she continues. "Thankfully, Hashem allowed me to witness Yochai's great kindness during his life, and I'm grateful I had chances to tell him this. Still, with every story told during Shiva, my heart warmed anew, and it touched me deeply."

'I always knew who my husband was. Thankfully Hashem let me see his goodness during his lifetime'

She offers a touching example: "My older brother always talked army business with Yochai, but whenever he asked about Yochai's military activities, Yochai quietly replied, 'Just some guard duty, not much.' Only during Shiva did we learn he had been fighting fiercely in Gaza, after providing service in the north, and before that, again in Gaza."

"A friend from his battalion told us that on one of the war days, they marched together. The friend was overwhelmed carrying heavy equipment and felt like collapsing. Yochai noticed, and despite having his own heavy gear, he took on his friend's load and ran ahead of everyone. His friend said he didn't know how Yochai sensed his distress, but it was clear that without Yochai's aid, he would have collapsed."

Shira notes that even in the final day she spent with Yochai, he was evident in his distinct qualities. "The last day before he returned to the army, we all went on a trip together, and when we got back home, we were very tired," she recounts. "Yet, Yochai wanted to talk and expressed heartfelt words about how much he appreciated me for handling everything while he was on reserve duty and I stayed with the girls."

"It embarrassed me, and I said, 'It's hard for me to hear you, as if you're summing me up.' That night, I felt a bad foreboding, and the next morning, when we parted, the feeling grew stronger. We poured water on Yochai, as is our custom when a family member sets off, and Yochai looked at me with a calm but slightly concerned smile. I remember feeling like our sadness and separation were gnawing at me."

"By Thursday morning, I couldn't overcome my fear," Shira continues, "It alarmed me because lately, Yochai and I had been learning regularly from the book of the Baal Shem Tov, which teaches how to confront fear through prayer. But this time, no advice helped me; the fear was overwhelming, and I envisioned exact scenarios of what might, G-d forbid, happen. I tried to ignore it, focusing on my duties at work and later at home until finally, there was a knock on the door, bringing the tragic news."

Lived to Give

You all sound so inspiring. What gives you strength to carry on?

Miriam: "I truly need a lot of strength, but what really drives me is the immense gratitude I have for Hashem. I thank Him every moment for allowing me to raise such a wonderful child, even if it was only for a short time. Thank you for that."

"Yochai was my younger brother, and I was deeply connected to him," Raviv notes. "Eight months ago, I became a widow and went through a very tough time. Yochai and Shira stood by me the whole way, giving me strength and supporting me in the most sensitive manner possible. I learned from them the power of family support, and it's clear to me that the three of us will strengthen each other, and thus we won't fall."

"It's too early to answer what gives me strength," Shira remarks, "but I think it's the fact that I feel blessed to have been married to such a high-ranking person. I once thought the words 'crown of my head' were a cliché, but that's exactly how I feel. I was blessed with a humble, modest husband, a remarkable family man who always fled from honor, but honor pursued him relentlessly. Even when the funeral procession departed at 11:30 PM, people stood at intersections along the way to pay their respects—children and adults. I thought to myself, 'This is so deserved for Yochai.' However, I'm sure if Yochai saw this caravan, he would've run home; he wouldn’t have been able to bear it."

(Photo courtesy of the family)

And what about the little girls? What did you explain to them?

"I haven't explained anything yet since there's no point; they just turned two. They're also used to their dad being away most of the time for reserve duty, so it doesn't strike them as odd or unusual. But one day when a group of soldiers came directly from Rafah to express their condolences, one of them must have reminded my daughter of her dad, and she jumped on him, shouting, 'Dad, Dad!' It was heartbreaking."

And what is the main thing Yochai left that you wish to pass on to your daughters?

"Yochai taught us all how important it is to see Hashem in every situation—in big things and small. He also directly taught the importance of loving all Jews. These are precisely the values I pray I can spread further so that my daughters also follow in his footsteps."

Please pray for the elevation of Yochai Chai ben Miriam's soul, and for good news for all of Israel.