The Volunteer Who Lost His Four Children: "Behind Every Blow is Hashem, It's Clear"

"I'm not a man of words," Chaim Otter emphasizes at the start of our conversation. The volunteer who was awarded the President's Medal last week for his significant contribution to the people of Israel. Since the war broke out, Otter volunteered for a long period at the Shura camp through Unit 360 – the national aid unit. But that's just a small part of his story. For the past thirty years, he has been running a soup kitchen in his hometown, also volunteering at the Chevra Kadisha, all purely on a voluntary basis.

"I'm not a man of words," he reiterates, "perhaps because I encounter death so often," he adds with a touch of dark humor reserved for Chevra Kadisha members. "But the scenes from the day the war broke out and the ensuing days are indescribable, even for those who can articulate. For days on end, we worked tirelessly to honor the dead, make every effort to bury them and identify them, to help families find answers to questions that will haunt them for life. Even though it was me who received the certificate from the President, it's an honor that belongs to everyone involved in this holy work."

Learning to Appreciate the Bad

Sometimes it seems that those who volunteer are those whose lives have been kind to them. They are people with an abundance of resources and time, who have been blessed by the Creator and thus can share that blessing with others.

Otter's story is entirely different. "Hashem shook my life four times when I buried my four children," he recounts. "The two eldest didn't develop and passed away at a few months old, the third died at two from a tumor, and the youngest daughter died 11 years ago at 34, leaving behind two wonderful girls. I am blessed to raise, care for, and love my granddaughters greatly."

He's a resident of Ramla, and on the last Simchat Torah, he was at the synagogue for the prayers. "Suddenly we started hearing booms and sirens. I quickly headed home, witnessing people running and talking about a war breaking out in the south. I soon grasped the magnitude but didn't know the full picture yet.

"As a regular volunteer at the Ramla Chevra Kadisha, and part of Unit 360, I was called to the south that day to handle the fallen's honor, and truly, I encountered the most horrific sights."

Otter pauses again when recalling those harrowing scenes. "You care for the victims, trying to detach emotionally, but after a moment when you step outside and meet the families, your heart goes out to them, and you can't continue. It takes time to compose yourself and carry on," he shares.

Chaim Otter (Credit: Unit 360)

"Of course. How could you not? Even when my own children left this world, I broke down. But the wisdom is to take a deep breath and get back up. If you allow yourself to fall apart, you're adding suffering to suffering, and what's gained? Besides those physically affected, you'll be hurt mentally as well. This understanding is what made me, after the trials I've endured, rise and move forward. It's what helped me continue to volunteer through all these months since the war broke out, manage the soup kitchen, and care for my home and granddaughters without plunging into despair."

Where did you find the strength to recover and go on with life?

"Each time we faced the loss of a child, my wife strengthened me greatly, and I her. She herself contends with severe disability due to an accident a few months after our marriage, and she is a deeply faithful woman. But the real strength comes from Hashem. Only the one who presented you with the trial can provide the strength to handle it. I want to tell everyone: Hashem gives strength; He always does. Just believe in that."

"Believing Hashem is Behind Everything"

Otter emphasizes throughout that he volunteers and works without seeking profit or any reward. Yet, two months ago, when he received a call from the President, he was very moved. "The President himself was on the line, and he said: 'Hello, this is the President speaking,'" he shares. "The truth is I started stammering, and the President said: 'Well done, I heard about you... I wanted to inform you that you are going to receive the President's Medal.' I tried to tell him I'm unworthy, but he just said: 'Don’t tell anyone until we announce a specific date.' Two weeks ago, I received another call with the date, and then I shared it with my wife and granddaughters, and of course, my relatives who joined me for the award ceremony."

The event, he says, was very moving and brought back memories from the past decades. "I established the soup kitchen shortly after my little children passed away," he notes. "I heard from the Rabbi about the need for a soup kitchen in the neighborhood, and decided to be the one to establish it. Initially, it was in the synagogue's yard, I brought food there and cared for the people. As demands increased, more food was needed, at that time kitchens from the IDF donated to me. They took directly from the warming cabinets and brought it to me. Today, I mostly bring dry food, as well as fruits and vegetables in very large quantities. Distribution days are 'war' days, as hundreds of people come here, and I try to have enough for everyone. That's my goal."

Years after establishing the soup kitchen, his father passed away. "My father volunteered at the Chevra Kadisha, and I decided to honor his memory by following in his footsteps," he notes. "So, most of my day is spent at the synagogue or the soup kitchen, and when I'm informed of a funeral, I rush to volunteer there."

"In the initial period after my children passed, there were times I didn't return home, stayed at the synagogue for days and couldn't leave. I think this is a natural response, I'm not an angel and I wanted to escape the empty house and vast void. Later, I discovered that while I felt lonely at home, adding volunteering to my life filled them, and my spirit felt completely different.

"Nowadays I try to be active on all fronts, mostly at the soup kitchen, attending funerals as needed, and dedicating my time as much as possible for my granddaughters. I am the one raising them, ensuring they lack nothing. When the war broke out, I volunteered at Shura for many months, even now I attend any event that requires me within Unit 360, but I am more available for the organization and other volunteer efforts."

Were there times when you asked: "Hashem, why me?"

"Certainly, there were many moments when I not only asked but said, shouted, and cried. But I quickly understood this wouldn't help me. Everything from Hashem, and if I want to truly believe in Him and serve Him, I need to believe He is my Father and cares for me benevolently."

Have you met bereaved families since the war broke out?

"Certainly, I met many families who came to identify their loved ones at the Shura camp. These are extremely tough moments, there's not much to say to them. They not only received the most devastating news but also witnessed unbearable scenes. There are no words to comfort them, I just embrace and tell them what I always tell myself: Remember that behind every blow is Hashem, because it's simply clear. This understanding doesn't lessen the pain, but at least it gives it meaning."