A Knock at the Door Changed Everything

"You're calling just as I'm returning from a special day with expectant IDF widows," Revital Shamir shares, whose husband Moti Shamir was killed in a surprise attack while defending Kibbutz Re'im. "We had a very special and empowering day, and during our wrap-up talk, I told the organizers that while I felt strengthened, I also wondered how I ended up here in the first place. This feeling stays with me. Thankfully, I'm nearing the end of a pregnancy we've awaited for years, but I feel so disconnected. When asked about my birth plans, I only know that I want Moti there with me."

Revital pauses for a deep breath. "I'm sure he'll be with me," she adds after a moment of silence, "in my heart, just as he's been with me ever since that day the war began. I also believe that this birth, despite its challenges, will bring us much light and joy, which is so important for us and all of Israel."

Living for the Community

Revital, wife of the late Moti Shamir, who was killed in the surprise attack, is the mother to four-and-a-half-year-old Lavi. She lives in Chavat Yair in the Shomron, is a qualified lawyer, and works in the youth department in Central Shomron. Moti was a long-serving career military officer and had recently entered a program for a bachelor's degree.

"He was already an officer when we first met," Revital explains. "I never knew him otherwise. The army was always part of our lives, sometimes with long absences and sometimes short, but the fact that 'Dad's in the Golani' was a constant in our lives."

The military is full of risks even without the current war, weren't you worried?

"After Moti was killed, people asked me, 'Had you talked about where he'd be buried?' The truth is, while we knew the risks, we never discussed death. Only once, about two years ago when fellow soldiers of Moti were harmed, did we feel the fear tangibly, but even then, we never talked about death. It wasn't part of our conversations."

Revital received a powerful message after his passing. "Colleagues from his course, held two weeks before the day of the massacre, shared that participants were asked to define themselves in words. Answers varied—someone wrote 'I'm thirty,' another 'I'm a vet,' but Moti wrote, 'I am challenge, and challenge is me.' This surprised me. His friends shared that he'd also written in his notebook, 'I live a life of mission, and it defines me.' Then it all clicked. Our lives were always challenging. Living in a settlement with constant security threats, Moti undertook significant yet risky military missions. Even before this, we faced personal challenges trying to conceive. But it's clear that these challenges shaped us and brought us together."

Knock on the Door

Remembering Simchat Torah morning, Revital pinpoints 8:30 AM as the moment they realized a war was happening. "Moti told me he was going south," she recalls, "and within seconds, he was in uniform and out the door with another fighter from the settlement. Their drive was swift, encountering ambushes and terrorists, fighting and clearing roads even before reaching the kibbutz areas."

"They fought under fire, eliminating threats, clearing intersections, then joined other Golani officers, entering Kibbutz Re'im, striving to eliminate as many threats as possible. The combat was long and arduous. At one point, Moti was shot in the shoulder yet continued fighting and evacuating the wounded. While clearing a house in the kibbutz, he was shot again, fatally, saving a life in his death, as we later learned a woman had been hiding inside."

Where were you during this time?

"I couldn't reach Moti, and neither could his parents, but we weren't worried. We assumed he was busy fighting and couldn't call. We stayed optimistic even on Sunday, thinking the ongoing combat prevented his call. His parents started to worry, assuming he was either a hostage or in an accident, due to the driving speed. Knowing the other fighter from our settlement made it, I was sure it wasn't an accident, but I kept my worries quiet. We all wanted to believe everything was okay." However, as time passed, optimism faded until Monday evening's devastating news.

Where were you then?

"I was with Lavi at our home in Chavat Yair. Lavi, an intelligent child, seemed to sense something was amiss, asking why his grandparents died and where they were now. That night, before bed, he was preoccupied with such questions. I also felt uneasy, with a knot in my stomach, ready for the bad news. So, when Lavi asked to sleep in 'Daddy's bed,' I easily agreed, and he fell asleep. Five minutes later came the knock on the door."

Revital takes a deep breath and notes, "Every time I recount what happened, in these surreal and impossible times, I learn to be grateful for things I never thought I'd thank for. Yes, I'm grateful they knocked at 8:40 PM and not at midnight, on that Monday and not a week later, as unfortunately happened with many others. I'm grateful Lavi was asleep and didn't hear the knock. In war, you learn to be thankful for everything."

A Child's Heart

How do you explain what happened to Lavi? Does he understand?

"Lavi is only four and a half, but his name, meaning lion, is fitting. He's always been a strong child. Since the incident, he seems to have grown even stronger. The morning after we received the news, he asked, 'Where's Daddy?' I told him the truth, 'Daddy died. Daddy is no more.' As we left the room, he asked why I was crying, and I explained I was very sad and missed his dad. But it wasn't until he saw Moti's photos in the living room that he started to piece it together, asking, 'Oh... Daddy died? So he's with Grandpa and Grandma now?' Everything clicked for him."

After the week-long mourning period at Moti's parents' home, Revital returned with Lavi to Chavat Yair. "I felt it was best to get back home and to some semblance of normalcy quickly," she explains. "Lavi returned to his preschool routine soon after, and he continues to surprise me with his sweet and wise questions and comments. Not long ago, he told me on our way home, 'Mom, I'm the only kid with both parents picking me up from preschool—because Dad's with me all the time, and so are you.' Another time, he said, 'Today, when I was playing outside, a cloud followed me everywhere. I know it was Dad.' Once, as we ate together, he said, 'I'm eating lots of fries for Dad, and you're eating for the baby.'

"What moved me most recently was when I moved Moti's pictures from Lavi's room to the living room. Lavi came home and complained, 'Why did you take all Dad's pictures away? I want Dad to watch me while I play!' He then spread the photos around his room, explaining, 'I want to see Dad wherever I am, and for him to see me.'"

What gives you strength to continue after such a loss?

"There's immense support from family and community, but above all, there's the thought of what Moti would want us to do," she replies. "I think of him constantly. Whenever I'm in doubt or need to decide, I try to consider what Moti would say or do, and this helps me move forward. Because I believe Moti wants us to rise, to keep going, and to remain a joyful, united family. He wishes for us to continue doing good and to find purpose in life, and that's how I feel every day."

As Revital approaches the end of her pregnancy and the start of a new, emotional, yet more challenging chapter, she holds onto Moti's words from two weeks before his passing. "Unlike those soldiers who fell in battle, those who died on October 7 left no written will," she notes. "I miss that personally, but his words 'I am challenge, and challenge is me' was like a jolt. Ultimately, it’s a powerful message for the people of Israel because we are all currently facing challenges, security-wise, socially, and nationally. But ultimately, our job is to grow because of these challenges and to continue both as individuals and as a nation."