A Father Mourns: 'We Never Got an Official Notice That He Was Killed'

The passing of a Jew is always a difficult and tragic event. It is even more heartbreaking when it is a young teen, and exponentially so if his death is caused by another Jew. The story of the passing of young Ahuvya Sandak refuses to fade from public discourse. While the narratives differ, everyone agrees on this: the incident shouldn’t have ended with the death of a sixteen-year-old boy, beloved by his community and passionate about the Land of Israel.

In a moving conversation with Avraham Sandak, Ahuvya's father, he shared a post he wrote the morning after he buried his son. In it, he writes in Ahuvya's voice what his son might have said:

Hello, People of Israel, this is Ahuvya. 

I ascended to heaven yesterday. 

I wanted to talk to you, I wanted you to know me. I know there are stigmas and externals in the world, so I would love just to introduce myself.

All my life, I lived as part of you, People of Israel. You are part of me and my flesh. I dedicated and devoted my life to advancing the People of Israel, to nurturing its shining, good, holy, and joyous soul. When we were in exile, the People of Israel were so dim and weak because we were like a soul without a body.Just as a person has a body, the People of Israel have a body. Our body is the Land of Israel. Only when we arrived here, in the Land of Israel, did we start to see the strength of our life as a people. Every additional piece of land we settle in our country is a basis for revealing entire life expanses of who we are.I felt all this every moment of my life, and so I devoted myself to expanding the settlement in the Land, to cherishing its soil, to reviving its desolation.

My name is Ahuvya... 

Every moment I was filled with the love of Hashem, from which my love and dedication to you emanated, People of Israel – Land of Israel.

Some may think that 'redemption' is for the delusional. I’ll explain what redemption that pulsated in my veins meant. Perhaps when you look at my face, you’ll understand better. Today, everyone feels that people are not living to their full vitality, This is exile. I strived and gave my life to bring the world closer to redemption – to a world that is wholly alive, a world full of goodness,deep, internal, enjoyable, and amusing goodness. I aspired for us, the People of Israel, whom I love so much, to grow to be a 'kingdom of priests and a holy nation,' a 'light unto nations' on the holy ground of ultimate creation and vitality,, holiness, love, goodness, and light.

My friends and I, soul friends, expanded and enlarged an outpost called 'Ma'oz Esther'.

My parents were among the founders of the outpost. We lived in a wooden house built with our own hands. I would rise at dawn to graze the sheep; in the pasture, I would write songs and live the holiness and life of the land of Israel. Later, I’d study Torah with a partner out of great love and desire to cling to its mysteries. I didn’t feel the heat of the desert daytime and at night, I’d ascend the watch standing tied to the figure of King David.

I love my family dearly. 

When they told me to come home more often I answered them from the depths of my heart that I couldn’t. I am a soldier, I am on duty, I am completely dedicated to Him and His holy land, the Land of Life. I am completely connected to the Torah. I studied Tanach with my father from age three and a half, I studied in a small yeshiva at the outpost, and recently, I also studied in a kollel.

My life’s vision in this period was for the 'Ma'oz Esther' outpost to become a large, lively settlement with children playing in its streets, flourishing pathways, roads, and village houses full of Torah voices, to adorn our sacred land. 

I am a very alive and happy individual, optimistic and curious in many areas. I loved the life in the world, and I wanted to expand them more and more. I loved Hashem. 

I was filled with His love for me; my whole being was to reveal His sweet and gentle light in the world. I yearned for the building of the Holy Temple – as the interface between the eternal, perfect God and our beloved world. I believed in the world, in you, in our land. 

All my life I wanted the light of prophecy to return to us in our holy land. I wanted a Sanhedrin, for the People of Israel to live according to the supreme wisdom, with the Torah that best fits our nature – the Torah of Israel for the People of Israel.When I fought for values, it was not from a place of petty hatred heaven forbid, only from a great desire for everyone’s great good and for His great glory. Even now, as I’ve ascended to the heavens, I won’t let go for a moment; I will always act from here for the enlargement of the Land of Israel and the realization of redemption. Today, I am not in a body, I remained a simple and abstract reality of strength, might, and heroism, a force to illuminate the world with life, freedom, and goodness.

My dear parents, I also want to comfort you: "May the Place comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem." May we already reach the days where we live lives so full of life that they contain no death, vitality so strong and pure that death does not belong there. My parents, I am with you, only without a body.

My family and siblings, from Him I came, my entire life for Him and with Him, and to Him I return. Be strong, continue my path – your path, be with Him and for Him. I was buried in the soil of the Land of Israel, the most natural place for me, even when alive, I was entirely the soil of the Holy Land.

Yours, Ahuvya.

Credit: Yair Sharki. His mother and sister during a protest

Young Seeker of Hashem

If your heart hasn't trembled yet, consider the words Ahuvya himself wrote and were found in his notebooks during the shivah:

"A new chapter in life has begun, an important chapter, one of building, shaping, and developing myself, my soul. A time where with your help I shall grow closer to You. Renewal of life, striving, blossoming, the main thing is to open the heart to listen to the melody of the Torah, the tune of Hashem... that it shall descend, enter deep... deep deep... into my personality, that Hashem's word will be set there and never leave, always full of His word, I shall never change Your precepts for in them I have life!!!

In this, you shall be tested!

This will require effort, it won't be easy, it will be hard, so with Your help I must, Father help me, open my heart, my senses, what am I at all?! Just a spoiled drop, help me, good Father! I just want to get closer to You, just to be with You, under Your wing, what am I at all?! Father, have mercy on me!! Father help me, help me.

They said I'm stubborn, Father, so I will use it now in the right way to be stubborn about my closeness to You, about studying your Torah, even if there's evil inclination, or laziness, difficulty. To be stubborn and stubborn, stubborn!

Not to release and relax, to continue with all my strength!!

Father!!

I'm on my way!! (to You)"

Bible Champion

You mentioned that Ahuvya started to learn Tanach at three and a half, what can a child of that age understand?

"You'd be surprised; not only did he understand, he also took things very much to heart. I recall when he was four and a half, we sat and learned in Tanach the verses about the destruction of the Temple, and suddenly I realized he wasn’t on the chair. I searched and found him under the table, trying to tear his shirt with tears over the destruction of the Temple. That was Ahuvya's Jewish soul.

"When he was in third grade, he went to participate in the Bible Contest of Gush Etzion, which was intended for fourth to sixth graders. He managed to compete and even reached eighth or ninth place. Although he didn't win the prize, he knew Tanach very well. This is also the tradition here in Gush Etzion – the strengthening of Bible knowledge.

"He had a tremendous desire to receive a bit more of Hashem's love, more mussar," Avraham emphasizes, recalling an interesting story: "One day, the head of the yeshiva thought he did something wrong and gave him a mussar talk for fifteen minutes. Ahuvya sat, listened, and cried. After the talk, the head of the yeshiva asked him, 'What do you think about that?' and Ahuvya replied, 'I didn’t do it.' The head of the yeshiva was shocked. He asked him, 'If you didn’t do it, then why did you sit quietly and listen to my mussar for fifteen minutes?' He answered, 'Because I simply love to hear mussar.' And that is despite not liking at all when he was accused of something he didn’t do."
 

Personal letters of Ahuvya Sandak

Where were you when you received the devastating news?

"I am a social worker by profession and also a product of the yeshiva world. One of the good things I am doing is combining the two. I established a beit midrash for victims of adversity through the National Insurance Institute, for people who have experienced attacks, disasters, and tragedies. We learn together in the beit midrash, bringing everything, our pain, the attacks we have been through, the family members who were killed, 'and she went to inquire of the Lord' in the literal sense. We bring this before the Torah, before Hashem, and this is the most natural place for us to undergo the mental and spiritual process we are going through.

"The evening before," Avraham recounts, "we had a very special study session in the beit midrash precisely on these topics of loss, and then the next morning, an hour before the incident, as part of my work as a social worker in welfare, I was supporting a father of six children whose 35-year-old mother died from the illness, leaving them alone. I talked to him and encouraged him, explained to him about the grief process, the stages, the soul that moves away, and then in the midst of it, the whole story unfolded on me."

How did you hear about it?

"In an official manner. To this day, I haven’t received any notification from the police, but it started with them saying he was injured. We drove to the hospital and there we realized we needed to do the math."

Credit: Zipporah Ben Mordechai, Zipporah Art

Faith is Key

How did the family and children handle the tragic news?

"We have seven children, thank God we try to be people of faith, and Hashem grants us His light. I'll tell you a small realization I came to. Someone told me that loss is like being amputated, like a limb of the soul fell from you, and it hurts where the limb was torn off. There is a lot of truth in that, but I thought on another level. To me, the soul is like a family, and like in a family, when one of the children grows up, develops, and moves overseas, you can’t talk to him because he is constantly doing great deeds for the People of Israel. That’s roughly the feeling now. It's very painful, it turns the heart, but it's a transformation of a limb that’s grown, a change of growth and development, so that's also part of our feeling."

Avraham emphasizes: "Ahuvya had a tremendous soul that truly, truly lived in holiness. We all live in holiness, but really not at the level Hashem wants. Ahuvya was a step forward; he was truly entirely alive, devoted to the People of Israel and filled with the light of Torah, connected to Torah and the holiness of the Land of Israel. He never acted out of hatred, he loved the People of Israel and sought for its well-being and for Hashem’s light to appear. But every Jew should know the Pischei Teshuva in Shulchan Aruch Even Ha'ezer Siman 75 writes that according to all the early authorities, settling the Land of Israel is a Torah commandment."

In conclusion, Avraham wishes to share part of a song written by Ahuvya himself, revealing the depth of his pure soul:

"The land is yours, that you gave us...I love it so much.

A selfless love, not dependent on anything.

And it pains me, Father. Very much.

For life yearns a shattered soul,

In the light of national renaissance to bear

life.."