Choosing Life After Tragedy: A Story of Resilience

"Ten and a half years ago, we lost our son who was tragically killed. It was about a year after his wedding," recounts Rabbi Aharon Margalit in his bestselling book 'Etalech'. "I want to share a very dramatic moment I experienced on the night of the funeral".

"The funeral was large and stretched on for hours. When we returned home around 2:00 AM after the funeral, I walked in. My wife and children had arrived before me. In addition, neighbors, family, and friends were waiting at home. I entered the house, and by the wall opposite me stood my wife and children, looking at me. In that moment, without having thought about it beforehand, without planning or intending, a strong, long monologue burst out of me".

"During the funeral I eulogized, said everything I wanted to say, and I was completely exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. But when I saw my wife and children’s eyes, it just poured out, and this is what I said to them," Margalit continues, recalling what he told his closest family during unbearable times.

"Until today, we've been riding the train of life, confident there were many more joyful stations ahead. Suddenly, an enormous chasm opened in our car, and our Chaim Yankele fell into it and died. This dreadful chasm threatens to engulf us all within it.

"Rivka, my dear wife, I promise you with Hashem's help, I will not fall here," declares Margalit, quoting his heartfelt promise. "I feel like I'm hanging on by my fingertips, barely gripping the floor of the car, but I won't fall. I owe it to you, to our children, and to our Chaim Yankele who left this world without leaving a legacy.

"We have a new role from today: to ensure the elevation of Chaim Yankele's soul because if we don't do it, no one will. Unfortunately, he left no children behind.

"I implore you," Margalit continues, "let's gather strength and climb back onto the floor of the car. Our train must continue and with Hashem's help, we will encounter more joyful and happy stations".

"My dear wife, just as I owe it to you, you owe it to me. You owe it to the children, and you owe it to Chaim Yankele too".

"Dear children, I ask you, heaven forbid, do not fall here," Margalit turns to his children who lost their beloved brother. "Continue living; you owe it to us, your parents, and you also owe it to your brother who was taken".

"When I talk about continuing life, my children, I mean ‘life that has substance.’ Lives full of hope and dreams, actions, creation—a life full of what life should be. There have been many times in my life when I've seen people walking the streets, eating, dressing, but they were long since dead. I do not wish such lives for you, nor do I want them for myself.

"A person must choose life every moment. Every hour to choose life. Let’s say to the Creator of the world: 'Father, we choose life. We don't understand what happened to us and why it happened, but we trust that 'evil does not come forth from Hashem.' It is clear to us that Chaim Yankele, may he rest in peace, is in a good place, and so are we. We will see the goodness in the future; we are confident it is for the ultimate good. But please give us the strength to live full and happy lives'.

"There are moments when it’s time to mourn," explained the father to his children reeling from the sudden and heavy loss. "There are moments when it is time to cry, but the rest of the time must be spent in action, dreams, hopes, making use of time, making full use of the wonderful things life offers".

"Dear children, know that with the Creator of the world, we do not play childish games. Children play and when they are tired, they say 'pause,' 'stop,' 'I don’t want to play with you anymore.' But with the Creator of the world, we do not have the privilege to say 'enough, I'm exhausted. I can’t do it anymore, my strength has failed.'

"The Creator of the world commands us 'choose life'", the bereaved father continues in his arduous hours. "As long as there is a soul within us, we will choose life, say and ask and pray—we will choose life".

"There is something important in this moment that I want to tell you, my dear children, there are 150 people in the house. Everyone is watching us, and tomorrow the whole city will talk about what happened here today. But in this moment, someone else is watching us too. At this moment, the Creator of the world is watching us along with His entourage, and the Creator of the world says to them: 'Let’s see how Aharele copes with the great challenge I have given him.'

"It is the same Creator of the world who gave us all the good that we have and even what hurts so much – it also comes from Him, He wants to see how we cope. This is the moment, this is the test. We will show Him that we believe in Him, and we will cope as He wants us to, out of faith and trust and with the choice of life," concludes the bereaved father with his chilling remarks.

Dudu Cohen presents Rabbi Aharon Margalit with an unconventional choice: from hindsight, would he prefer a peaceful life or a life full of suffering? Watch his unequivocal answer: