Mourning Laws: The Thirty Days Period Near a Holiday

Death of Other Relatives

Just as a holiday cancels the seven-day mourning period, it also cancels the thirty-day mourning period. Therefore, if one of your five relatives passes away [these being: brother, sister, son, daughter, a husband for his wife, or a wife for her husband], and you observed the seven days of mourning, and a holiday occurs during the thirty-day period, you are permitted to cut your hair and trim your nails on the eve of the holiday, and all thirty-day mourning restrictions are canceled.

Death of Father and Mother

If your father or mother passes away, you are not permitted to cut your hair on the eve of the holiday until thirty days have passed and your friends rebuke you to get a haircut. However, you are permitted to trim your nails on the eve of the holiday.

Even if four holidays pass within the thirty-day period, such as if the death occurred on the 25th of Elul, and Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, and Simchat Torah have passed, you are not permitted to cut your hair until the 25th of Tishrei, when thirty days will have passed. (B 295. G 97, 103, 117)

The holiday permits things whose permission depends solely on the completion of the seven or thirty days, but haircuts for mourning a father or mother, which require both thirty days and rebuke, are not permitted by the holiday. Even if friends rebuke you now, it will not help, because rebuke is not effective in less than thirty days. (Jerusalem Talmud, Tur and Shulchan Aruch, and many later authorities. G 97)

Shaving the Beard on the Eve of a Holiday When Mourning Parents

A mourner for a father or mother whose holiday falls within the thirty days, who is not permitted to cut hair, is restricted from cutting both head hair and beard hair. However, in a case where there is a great need to shave the beard, such as if he is an important and respected person who is embarrassed to go to the holiday in front of people like that, he may be permitted to shave only the beard on the eve of the holiday. (106, 110)

There was a case of someone who died about three weeks before Rosh Hashanah, and his son regularly traveled abroad every year to serve as a cantor for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. He was embarrassed and distressed to stand before a large congregation and lead the prayers with an overgrown beard. Therefore, he was permitted to shave or trim his beard, as he was greatly distressed about it, and human dignity is of great importance.

Mourning Before Rosh Hashanah

If one observed mourning [for other relatives] shortly before Rosh Hashanah, when Rosh Hashanah arrives, the seven-day period ends, and when Yom Kippur arrives, the thirty-day period ends, and one is permitted to cut hair on the eve of Yom Kippur. (G 117)

Mourning Before Yom Kippur

If one observed mourning [for other relatives] shortly before Yom Kippur, when Yom Kippur arrives, the seven-day period ends, and when Sukkot arrives, the thirty-day period ends, and one is permitted to cut hair on the eve of Sukkot. (G 117)

The Seventh Day Counts for Both Seven and Thirty

If the seventh day of mourning [for other relatives] falls on the eve of a holiday, the holiday cancels the thirty-day mourning restrictions, and one is permitted to cut hair already on the eve of the holiday. The reason for this is that we say that part of the day is like the whole day, and so the seventh day is considered to end on the morning of the eve of the holiday, and immediately the thirty-day period begins, during which bathing is permitted but haircuts are forbidden. Since the holiday cancels the thirty-day restrictions, one is permitted to cut hair in honor of the holiday, and all mourning restrictions are completely canceled. (G 117)

For example: If someone was buried on the Fast of Gedaliah (3rd of Tishrei), since the seventh day ends on the eve of Yom Kippur (9th of Tishrei), he is permitted to cut his hair on the eve of Yom Kippur.

Similarly, if someone was buried on the 8th of Nisan, since the seventh day ends on the eve of Passover (14th of Nisan), he is permitted to cut his hair on the eve of Passover.

And likewise, if someone was buried on the 28th of Iyar, since the seventh day ends on the eve of Shavuot (5th of Sivan), he is permitted to cut his hair on the eve of Shavuot.

The Thirtieth Day During Chol HaMoed

If the thirtieth day of mourning for a father or mother falls during Chol HaMoed (the intermediate days of a festival), it is permitted and a mitzvah to cut hair during the holiday after being rebuked, as it is an honor to the holiday to appear good and presentable. (G 104, 110)

Rebuked During Chol HaMoed

A mourner for a father and mother, whose thirtieth day arrived before the holiday, but who was not rebuked until Chol HaMoed, may cut his hair during the festival, since he could not do so earlier. (G 112)

Time for the Memorial Service

Although the holiday cancels the thirty-day mourning restrictions, the memorial service [study and meal] should still be held on the actual thirtieth night, even if it falls during Chol HaMoed. (G 136)

Visiting the Grave

Although the custom is to visit the grave on the thirtieth day, one should not do so during Chol HaMoed. This is because when seeing the grave of the deceased, one is moved to tears and eulogies, which should not be done during the festival. (G 140)

Calculating the Thirty Days When Death Occurs Near a Holiday

Shortening the Thirty-Day Period

Since the holiday [Passover, Shavuot, Sukkot, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur] cancels the seven days of mourning, it is considered as if seven days have actually passed, and seven days are subtracted from the thirty-day count, as explained below. When does this apply? For other relatives. But for a father or mother, the thirty days are not shortened at all, and one must wait exactly thirty days from the burial. (Section 399)

Before Passover

For example: A mourner who observed mourning before Passover is considered to have completed 7 days, and the holiday itself is 7 days, making 14 days total, so he waits another 16 days to complete the thirty, and then may cut his hair. (G 115)

Before Shavuot

If one observed mourning before Shavuot, it is considered as if 7 days have passed, and the holiday itself is also counted as 7 days [since all festivals are compared to each other, and just as Passover and Sukkot count as seven days, so too Shavuot and Simchat Torah, even though they are only one day long], making 14 days total, so he waits another 16 days to complete the thirty. (G 115)

Before Sukkot

If one observed mourning shortly before Sukkot, it is considered as if 7 days have passed, and the holiday itself is 7 days, and Simchat Torah is also counted as 7 days [because it is a separate holiday, not related to Sukkot], making 21 days total, so he waits another 9 days to complete the thirty. (G 117)

One might ask: Since Simchat Torah is a separate holiday, why doesn't it cancel the thirty-day mourning restrictions like other holidays when a death occurs before Sukkot? Ramban wrote that restrictions are not canceled until they have been observed partially. That is, when one observed even one minute of the seven-day mourning period on the eve of the holiday, then when the holiday arrives, the seven-day restrictions are canceled. Similarly, when one observed the thirty-day restrictions before the holiday, when the holiday arrives, the thirty-day restrictions are canceled. But in this case where one observed some mourning before Sukkot, and when the holiday arrived the seven-day restrictions were canceled, the thirty-day restrictions have not yet begun, because while one is not cutting hair, it's due to the laws of Chol HaMoed and not mourning. Therefore, Simchat Torah does not exempt one from the thirty-day restrictions.