Why Am I Not Enjoying Life? A Spiritual Perspective on Inner Joy and Divine Justice

Many people wonder why they don’t enjoy anything, why they are unable to feel joy in their families and why they don't have satisfaction at work.

Their initial reaction is often, why is G-d doing this to me?, as if all their difficulties stem solely from G-d's will. They fail to understand that G-d wants us to enjoy His world even more than we do.

And yet, the matter of joy, which is an essential mitzvah, was left in our hands. If we would simply stop being so greedy, constantly chasing more and more, and instead pause to reflect on the abundant kindness surrounding us, and if we would ease up on the harsh demands we place on ourselves, joy would enter our hearts. We would begin to enjoy the wondrous creation of the Blessed Creator.

As it says: “A man’s folly perverts his way, and his heart rages against the Lord” (Proverbs 19:3). A person makes every possible mistake, but in the end, he blames G-d.

There was a Jew I knew personally—a very wealthy man on a global scale—who, with G-d’s help, began returning to Torah observance and came to know his Creator. Slowly, he left his immodest workplace and began immersing himself in Torah study, eventually giving up all his business dealings to join a yeshiva. From there, he steadily grew in Torah and pure fear of Heaven.

I had the merit to accompany him on part of this spiritual journey. The more he advanced in Torah, the more he lost his wealth, until he eventually lost everything and needed to borrow money from others just to get by.

Throughout all of this, he would constantly complain: “I did full teshuvah, why is G-d doing this to me? Why doesn’t He help me? All my friends who haven’t returned to Torah are still rich, and only I have become destitute!”

I stood stunned before his accusations, which at first glance, seemed justified. I prayed: “Sanctify Your Name in this world, G-d. Show him that those who walk in Your path will succeed.” I comforted him as best I could and we parted.

Until, during one of our many conversations, the man shared something with me almost in passing, and it stunned me.

He said: “When I was discharged from the army, my father, may he rest in peace, came to me and gave me $100,000 in cash. When I asked him why, he said: ‘Here, my son. Use this money to start a business. When you’ve earned enough, pay it back.’

"Years went by, and I managed to double and triple the sum. Occasionally, my father would remind me of the loan and say it was time to repay it. But for some reason, I chose to ignore him.

"Eventually, I learned that my father was seriously ill and hospitalized. Of course, I visited him right away. The doctors told me his time was short. While I was at his bedside, he said, ‘Look at your mother, she has nothing left. Please, at least repay her the loan.’ ‘With G-d’s help, Dad, I’ll do my best,’ I replied, and that was the last conversation we had.

“A week later, my father passed away. Instead of easing my mother’s burden and returning her money, I continued to ignore the debt. And so the years passed, and I lost all my wealth and possessions.” This is how the man concluded his story.

I couldn’t hold back, and I told him: "You wronged your father for years, and then you went on to torment your own widowed mother. And now you blame G-d? You should be thanking the Creator that you're even still alive and healthy!"

I directed him to the Shulchan Aruch to learn how to do proper teshuvah for such a sin. And indeed, he followed through, and thank G-d, his situation has greatly improved.

The Honor of Torah Scholars

There are many stories of Jews who spoke disrespectfully about Torah scholars, and were stricken with illness, infertility, poverty, or delays in finding a spouse.

Our sages taught that G-d is more exacting for the honor of Torah scholars than with His own honor. (Bereishit Rabbah, Parashat Lech Lecha, ch. 39). Anyone who knows they've slandered or harmed a Torah scholar in any way must first ask forgiveness from that scholar, appease him according to his stature, and resolve never to repeat the offense. With G-d’s help, they will then see great deliverance.

Another story that illustrates this: There was a man who regularly sought my advice and once accepted upon himself to give ma’aser (tithes) from all his earnings, as it is said this brings wealth. He also began honoring his wife and buying her beautiful jewelry, which is also known to bring blessing, and he committed to setting fixed times for daily Torah study.

Still, he kept returning to me and saying: “Rabbi, I’m doing all these things, but it’s not working. My bank account is still in overdraft, and we’re nowhere near buying a home.”

Once again, I was puzzled. After all, the Sages promise that income will follow such commitments. Still, I encouraged him and said: “Search deeper into your actions—perhaps the issue lies there.”

Eventually, I learned that this dear Jew had been freely speaking lashon hara (slander) about Torah scholars, and even involving his wife in these conversations. To my shock, it had been going on for quite some time.

I summoned him and opened the Mishnah in Oktzin (ch. 3, m. 12):
“Rabbi Shimon ben Chalafta said: The Holy One did not find a vessel that holds blessing for Israel except for peace…” (Psalms 29:11).

You can bring every blessing in the world into your home, but without a vessel to hold them, they all slip away. How can you expect G-d to shower abundance on you when you so freely speak evil? G-d hates slanderers, so much so that the Rambam rules (Hilchot De’ot 7:3, Hilchot Talmud Torah 6:11) that they have no share in the World to Come.

I said to him: “You and your wife should learn one law a day from the Chafetz Chaim on proper speech. With G-d’s help, all your problems will be resolved.”

I don’t know how things worked out for him, but in my heart, I know that if he listened and corrected his ways, he certainly doesn't lack anything good.